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[23 Jan 2008|12:16pm] |
Now that I have actually managed to fix my computer/connect it to the internet I might actually update this on a regular basis.
In the past week I have had two of my friends of the past try to communicate with me and somewhat resolve things.
One was a person I thought was my best friend who proceeded to pick fights with me just a week after my brother died. I couldn't take it anymore and told her I didn't want to be her friend anymore. She proceeded to throw 3 of my shoes away. Yes 3, stating that if someone is mad at her she won't just sit there. Great way to resolve things if I say so myself. Her mom ended up paying me for one pair and that was my last contact. I ended up being best friends with the kid who lives across the street with her. And pretty much 5 years later I get sent a myspace message saying it would be nice to talk again. I really don't think that's possible. I mean I've never meant anyone so incredibly crazy with lying and so awesome as being the most immature person I've ever met.
The other person I stopped talking to about amonth ago because I could not take being the one sided person in a friendship. Having someone completely try and shut you out of their life after all the crap you've taken from their family and how you have been there for everything when they were never there for when you needed them. They turned into a drunk mother who pretty much needs to take care of themselves before I start talking to them again. She went to my house again to talk to me and found out I moved and called me. Still not ready to talk due to her family pretty much. Letters may work with this and hanging out with just the two of us may work but it never happens like that. After being shunned from a baby shower with Cynthia the supposed godmother doesn't exactly make me quick to talk.
The funny thing is I was friends with both of them at the same time. And they both turned against me at one time. Then the other one came forward and told me about what the other one was doing. The point is it took awhile. All this bullshit was fed in her mind and she turned against me with someone I never thought she would ever be friends with. And it took time to come to me and tell me when it shouldn't have.
It's just funny how things work out. So many people want to be friends when it's convenient for them. I'm done with that. It's always bothered me but I learned I can't have those people in my life. Friendship is a two way road. Sometimes one person makes more effort but it should equal itself out. I now have the people I call my friends closest to me. They know who they are and I won't settle for less. People change, some for the better, some for the worse. In the end you know who is good for you. Who is going to make you smile when you need it and who you'll visit at 3am cause they just need to talk. And that's all you need.
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| The past month |
[10 Oct 2007|09:42pm] |
It seems that I never have time to do anything anymore.
Let alone update this. But I think I just need to find it/stop thinking so much.
School has been going pretty good.
I ended up getting screwed out of that honors class but every other class is great.
My whole grade relies pretty much completely on my midterm and final...in every class.
Which is nice but scary. I love Music theory. And having my own personal tutor every night after work.
Around my brothers bday everything caught up with me.
The fact he has been gone for 5 years, school, working two jobs, and so much more drama I don't even care to right. And I was an emotional mess. And people say offensive things to me and I just shrug it off cause honestly nothing gets to me. But I got real pissed at my two best friends. I mean they were mean but I overreacted and it's all cool now.
Saw Atmosphere and Portugal. Atmosphere was in Provi and I saw Joe from school! That was so odd but so good at the same time. I hate people are still there and are miserable. Join the rest of us and go to a better school. Drunk bitches make me not like Lupos. Portugal. The Man was in Cambridge. We made a day out of it and hung out at Umass on the last beautiful day then went down to Fanuel Hall and right by the back bay/North End aquarium area. And then to the lovely Antonios before the show. Best food ever. And then the show was definitely a good time. Interesting time in the city. I wish they played longer but hey. They'll be here in like two weeks again.
The past two weeks have been very hard.
I lost a friend, a third roommate, and the craziest kid I know.
Peter S. Confalone Jr.
Going to Roger Williams was never an awesome experience, but it also was not a horrible one.
Petey is one person who made it better.
Not only was Amber in love with him, he also was a great guy to just talk to.
I will never meet anyone who has gone through so much and has so many crazy stories.
Who else would live on the streets and then with monks and end up at RWU with a 1490 SAT score.
And such a goofball. Always made me laugh when things weren't on the up and up. And those hugs. He struggled through so much and things only seemed better for him. I will miss him. And I'll never forget.
Two days after the funeral, I got sick. My mother got bronchitis and it only took a few days for everyone in the house to get sick.
Amanda is pretty much insane. She had her child who was put in the ICU because it could not breathe on his own. Having a child an all, two days later she leaves him there goes home, and proceeds to get shitfaced drunk because you know "she had to wait 9 months" while the condition of her child is not good. Then like four days later, comes to my house pretty much right after I found out about Pete and my mom found out she had bronchitis at 1245. Wakes up everyone and I pretty much told her to get the fuck out of my room and she goes crying to Cynthia about how Mark is mad that she got drunk. Well you think. You are a mother now act like one. This pretty much decided that this friendship has to come to and end and now is an awesome time. I mean I want to show compassion, but yet again everyone around her goes unnoticed because only she has problems.
Cynthia also moved in during this entire time right at the end of September. So that has been an interesting change. It is so weird living with someone. I mean I know it is going to be just us in 3 months so I guess I can figure things out now. Sometimes I just want to be alone though. And lately it is a lot now. But things will work out.
And I can't forget about the dramaticness at work. I'll just leave it at that. It needs to quit now. For everyone's well being.
All I want to do. Is be wayyyyyyyyy caught up and school and see my lovely Ms. Fontaine in the North end. thanks.
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| Who's that dude sleeping with ya girlfriend |
[06 Sep 2007|12:29am] |
I haven't updated this in over 7 months.
Life is pretty fucking grand right now.
I've met new people. Stopped talking to others who were no longer worth my time.
I have new best friends. I had an amazing summer. School started up again today.
Classes are way harder. New job. No boys whatsoever only my two best buddies.
I went to New York. I saw Rage Against the Machine...after passing out.
I went to my favorite place in the entire country to end my summer.
Not everything happened how it was planned but I can say one thing, I'm a happy laday.
So yeah. pretty much nothing could bring me down.
I'll catch up on the last few months tomorrow.
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| Schooooool |
[31 Jan 2007|07:29pm] |
Umass is pretty much awesome.
I like all my classes except one but I love all the teachers so it's alright.
Intro to Enthromusicology. Teacher is an enthromusicologist and that class is sweet. We basically examine different music from different cultures. I get to compose a song for homework.
Financial Accounting is pretty lame right now. It's not a bad class but it was like the class I took Junior year in high school. Teacher is pretty funny.
Intro to Computer Management. This is basically the class I took at RWU that I didn't get any credit for plus Access. Kinda lame but the teacher is nice. He introduced himself today. I also made my first friend in that class. I did basically nothing in class because of him. His name is Mike and he is beautiful. And smart. And knows Plymouth. And loves music. So I'm pretty pumped.
Intro to Archaeology. Teacher is an archaeologist and her story behind it is sweet. Seems cool. My dad wanted to do it when he was in college but never got the chance. So I figured I would see whats up with that. Especially since my other class got cancelled so I re-registerd for it.
Other than classes everything is awesome. I get to school really early. Get a parking place right up front. Got all my books. Driving in is actually quite fun. And it takes about an hour to get there and there is basically no traffic. Everything is rediculously easy to get to. I love the fucking diversity there. It is so nice to not see all white people. I know that sounds lame but RWU killed me with that. Everyone was the same. So many different people from so many different places. I'm way excited. And there's tons of asian men so that's a way plus. I also found out they have a radio station and they are looking for tutors so hopefully I can pick up some more cash somehow.
People are lamer than ever but what are you going to do. I already gave up and now is my time to escape from it all. All the drama and lame-o stuff. Once people stop acting like crackheads, I might feel different.
And I suck at dealing with stuff. So I won't. Once again.
Acting like nothing happened sounds like a cool idea.
Last day!!!!!!!!!!
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[28 Jan 2007|06:54pm] |
Sometimes I really feel like I can never do anything right.
No matter how good something is for me, somehow it gets messed up.
Cancelling a class 6 days before it starts is lame.
Especially when you notify a student through school email that they never check and then freak outs happen when only 3 classes appear on a schedule.
I go back to school tomorrow.
Heck yeah. Seriously.
It's been since May. I feel dumb. I feel the need to gain more knowledge.
I feel the need to get the fuck away from Plymouth righhhhhhhhht now.
People are attempting to talk to me who I thought would never come back into my life.
Others are around me so much to the point that all I want to do is not talk to them again.
Especially when they don't let you move on. And get jealous and angry when you hang out with a boy. Any boy. Let alone one you know will be nothing more than a friend. Grow up.
Other than that I've been hanging out with cool kids.
I've been seeing dear Ronaldo a lot more lately. I missed that kiddo. And heck yes for no national guard. No more of my friends need to go into the army. No me gusta el guerra.
I think somebody has got a crush on me. He's wanted to hang out with me on the regular and I have and he offers to do anything and everything with me and pay for it all and listens to all my crap. Work makes things complicated.
I'm done with drama and done with worries.
Live your life. Love what you do. loveeeeeeeeeeeelifeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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| Sweet life |
[19 Jan 2007|09:04pm] |
Lifes been pretty good.
I can't complain.
I don't work more than 15 hours a week.
I spend a ton of time at home/driving people around.
I've come to the conclusion that seeing others happy makes me happy.
Which is not so good but I love putting a smile on peoples faces.
Last week two people told me they loved me.
One like a sister.
The other gives me hugs daily and tells me I look nice.
Both are just my friends and I adore them for telling me this.
It's good to know that people care about you as much as you care about them.
Other people who I thought would never enter my life again have shown up.
Acting completely oblivious to the fact that I hate them. Saying hello and echoing my friend. I expect an answer from him not you. Stop trying to talk to me. Go in the army or where ever already.
And skewl starts in 10 days.
Pretty pumped.
Went to the doctors and they think my whole passing out thing has to do with my heart.
So no more green stuff after this month.
Boys are just plain silly.
All of them.
Stop being jealous about girls hanging out with other boys who are not you.
It makes you sound like a woman.
Hanging out with kids from work was a smart move.
Meeting new people is awesome.
Especially when they are so fantastically nice and listen to sweet music and invite me to things such as sandwich night.
Someone want to give me $40 so I can see Incubus? Thank you greatly.
ps.
Soon he/she will be mine.
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[03 Jan 2007|09:14am] |
2+ hour life chats with super sweet kids are priceless.
Birthday celebrations with the one person who I have been friends with constantly since the age of 2 are priceless.
Jealous boiz are priceless.
Yesterday was pretty much priceless.
Kinda like that Copeland song.
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[25 Dec 2006|03:12pm] |
It seems every time I go to write in this, everything is going good.
But by the time I actually get around to it, the situation takes a 360 and turns to shit.
I thought things would be easy.
For the past month I just let things happen. Going with it. I knew I needed to end things but let it continue which just made things that much worse. Maybe if he hadn't said he wanted to work things out, I wouldn't have questioned it. It's funny how I've never thought about saying that to him because it is just wayyyyyyyyy too soon. So when I didn't have an answer soon enough, another girl was in the back of his head and now is the only thing there it seems.
In a way I am sad. But I know he is not what I need. Not what I deserve. And I know I'll find better. I think I just wanted someone. And he's always that someone who is always there. And always will be.
The funny thing is his mom considers me to already be part of the family. She got me the coolest turtle bracelet and I feel like they are a second family to me at times. No matter what happens they'll be there.
On another note, I can finally say it feels like Christmas. When I was in church last night we had a normal mass but they turned down the lights when they played Silent Night and it was so nice. I was talking and laughing with my mom and it was just nice. And then I realized that one other person was not there who was there all those years. Who would sit with me through mass and want to leave just as much as I did. I love the holidays but no I can't appreciate them as much as others. Not like I used to. Not when my brother isn't there with us. But I do appreciate being with everyone else. My family and my friends. They've been there for me more than I know and all I want is to spend time with them.
Next month I leave for school. And with commuting, school work, and work, I came to the conclusion I'll have just about no time to see people. So please don't hate me. Just know it will be tough and I want to make the money I spend on school worth it so I'm shooting for a 4.0 to make up for the dumb shit I did at rwu. It will a change. And hopefully I haven't lost all my brain cells. But we'll see what happens. I can't wait to live there though. I think it's just what I need.
Basically I've just been trying to hang out with my favorite kids in the world. So consider yourself lucky if you've seen me. I've been sick the past two weeks but I'm almost better just a cold now.
This week is nuts.
Tonight I have to see Kristina and then be at Bruceys to celebrate his bday at midnight.
Up at 7:30 for work til 4. Then maybe off to In the Pink for Brucey's tattoo.
Up at 7:30 again and work til 3. Then off to Providence for Abigails birthday extravaganza.
Come back the next day then Glassjaw.
Day off then the next day work and gdons suprise partay.
Then new years. Nuts.
Orientation the 9th. Mass General the 12th. School the 28th? omg
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[17 Dec 2006|10:43am] |
This morning I had a dream that I died at a young age.
I was in college but after I apparently died people could still see me.
But only certain people.
I tried to see how exactly I died but the phone rang and I woke up.
I blame this dream on seein the one person who said they were sending people to kill me with a knife and running away from them at the mall.
Seriously, who am I kidding. I could never hurt anyone. Even if I wanted to.
But it would be sweet to be able to talk to people after I die.
This entry was pointless except for the fact that I never remember my dreams.
Oh yeah and I saw some band not once but twice in my dream. And I can't remember that. And it kills me.
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